A Healing Heart
by AkuNoOuji
Summary: As Leonardo watches over the comatose Raphael, he experiences feelings of regret and remorse, and hopes for his brother to recover, but is an apology all he wants to give, or does he feel something else? Set in the 1990 TMNT live-action film.
1. Realisation

Leonardo is afflicted with feelings of guilt while Raphael is in his coma. When the red-branded turtle awakens, what other feelings will accompany the relief and sorrow? Turtle-cest, LeoXRaph. Based on the 1990 TMNT live-action film, and told from Leonardo's perspective.

I do not own any of the characters. I just have a liking of this particular pairing.

* * *

**A Healing Heart - Chapter 1: Realisation**

When Raph fell through the skylight, I remember my heart sinking. The guilt I felt was immense, and I felt responsible that he was hurt.

_If only I hadn't said those words to you… you'd still be…_

After a fight with the Foot, and with Casey's timely arrival, we escaped the burning apartment, and were at a house from April's past. Raph was placed inside the bath-tub, cool water doing what it could to soothe his wounds. I remained by his side, providing an ever-watchful vigil over him. I couldn't hide the tears that continued to stream down my face, nor did I attempt to. As I saw him laying unconscious in the tub, I continued to be overwhelmed with sadness.

_Why did I have to speak such cruelty, brother? If you never wake up, I… I…_

I choked back a sob as April walked into the bathroom. Her sympathetic gaze met mine, and she walked towards the tub, kneeling down and gathering water into her hands, dripping it over my brother's shell and gently rubbing his arm. I watched, hoping he would stir, but he remained in his comatose state, and I lowered my gaze, even more tears falling. April stood and approached me.

"He'll be okay…" she murmured softly, before leaving me alone with Raph once more. I glanced back at him, hopeful that the woman was right.

_Please… be okay…_

My heart felt heavy as I remembered our last conversation… the argument we had shortly before he was ambushed.

"Stupid, really…" I muttered under my breath, voice catching in my throat. "I understand he… but we had to…"

"_**Maybe I'll just take my attitude and leave!"**_

We'd argued a little more, but the ill feeling in the pit of my stomach returned as I remembered the last thing I had said to him.

"_**Go ahead! We don't need you!"**_

I buried my face in my hands, as tears began to flow freely, my soft sobs echoing in the bathroom.

_Please wake up, Raph… We do need you… __**I**__ need you!_

Raphael remained motionless, as I continued to remember the attack from the Foot. The bastards were relentless, and just seeing Raph in his condition made me want to kill them all.

_No! I don't want to think of that!_

Another sob caught itself in my throat, but a soft groan made me stop. Glancing up, my eyes widened as I saw Raphael looking around the room in confusion. My heart felt like it stopped beating, and I jumped out of my chair.

"Raph!" I cried out, running to his side and kneeling beside him. "Y-you're awake!"

Placing a hand on his chest, I began crying tears of relief, but I still had to know. "How do you feel?"

Looking at me weakly, he smacked his lips together.

"What's a guy got to do…" he murmured. "…to get some food around here?"

The smile that came to my face was clear as crystal. Standing up, I raced to the door.

"Hey!" I called out, my voice a bit strange. "Hey, he's awake! He wants some food! Bring some food!"

I ran back to his side and gently cupped his face in my hands.

"You're gonna be okay, Raph…" I assured him, looking into his eyes. "You're gonna be okay!"

Placing his hands on mine, my brother removed them from his face, looking a little uncomfortable.

"Yeah, yeah…" he groaned. "All right, Leo… Get a grip, will ya?"

He is okay… he will be okay… Raph…

I gave a weak smile and helped lift him to his feet. Giving a sigh, I made sure he was close to me. I didn't want to risk him getting hurt any further.

"Listen, Raph…" I said, my voice soft, and guilt-ridden. "About what I said before… y'know… about not needing you, and all…"

Raphael stared squarely into my eyes and slightly shook his head.

"Leo…" he murmured, placing his arms around me. "…don't…"

I returned the embrace, tears once again streaming down my face, as I held him close, not ever wanting to let go.

"Raphie…" I whispered. "I missed you…"

He froze up at the nickname I had called him, the two of us moving apart and glancing behind me as Donatello chuckled.

"It's a Kodak moment…"

As he and April shared chuckles, I felt my heart race in my chest.

_I feel so strange… but it feels kinda good too._

The other two left us alone, saying something about… actually, I didn't pay much attention. With them gone, I embraced my red-branded brother once again.

"L-Leo?" he asked shakily. "Are you…?"

"I nearly lost you, Raphie…" I interrupted. "I felt so helpless. I was so upset and angry… with the Foot, but mostly… with myself."

I didn't give him the chance to protest, and while at the time, I wasn't sure why I did what I did, I knew that for some reason, I had to. Nonetheless, I moved my head back slightly and, after gently cupping his face in my hands once more, leaned in and captured his lips with my own. The kiss was brief, as I gave a soft muttered apology and let him go.

"Raph… I think it's time I got you something to eat…"

Both of our cheeks were flushed, and as I began to move, I suddenly felt my hand being taken. Glancing back, I saw that my brother had taken hold of it, and was glancing down at the floor.

"Leo…" he said, his voice very soft. "Why did you…?"

I shook my head in response, indicating that I wasn't sure, but I once again had the need to be closer to him. I felt a strange sensation in the pit of my stomach, and my lips tingled.

"I don't know…" I finally answered. "But… I want to do it again… and again…"

His cheeks matching the colour of his band, Raph stared at me.

"I…" he choked out. "I would be lying if I said it doesn't sound appealing… but first… got anything to eat?"

I laughed helplessly, and took his hand, leading him to the kitchen. On the way, I realised something which made me smile to myself.

_I'm in love… with Raphael…_


	2. Inner Turmoil

Again, I say I no own the characters. If I did, think of all the yaoi I could get away with. ***sigh***

Now, this chapter will see Leonardo struggling with his inner turmoil at his newfound feelings towards Raphael. Will he embrace them, or force them away?

* * *

**A Healing Heart – Chapter 2: Inner Turmoil**

I watched silently as Raph ate, giving a slight smile as his eyes met mine. My breath stilled for a moment, until I remembered to exhale. Donatello was speaking to Michelangelo about something; most likely my reaction to our brother's recovery. I wasn't too sure, but I didn't care. Raphael was okay, and…

_Damn… what was I __**thinking**__?_

I couldn't get that kiss out of my mind and to top it all off, I really did want more. My smile faded as I withdrew into my subconscious, asking myself the question that was plaguing me.

_What have I gotten myself into? He's my damn brother!_

I don't know what it was, what made me fall for him, but I knew what I was feeling was wrong. If I was found to have feelings for my own brother, the consequences could very well be catastrophic. I would bring shame to my family, to our friends...

…_and to Raph…_

Damning inner voices relayed exactly what I didn't want to think of, and I did my best to try and maintain a stoic expression.

"…ardo, are you okay, dude?"

Mikey's voice dragged me out of my thoughts and I blinked, glancing around. He and Donatello glanced back, and as I shifted my gaze, I noticed that Raphael too, was watching me. Closing my eyes for a second, I stood, giving a soft sigh.

"Yeah," I murmured. "I'm just gonna… meditate for a while."

Opening my eyes once more, I started walking outside. I could feel Raphael's gaze follow me, but I didn't look back, fearing that I would falter. As I exited the house, April and Casey, who seemed to be conversing on the swinging chair, turned their attention to me.

"Leonardo?" April said, shifting as if to stand up. "Are you…?"

I held up a hand to interrupt and glanced out over the farm.

"I'm okay…" I murmured, taking a breath. "Just need some time to myself. Wanna meditate…"

That was all I said as I began walking away from the house. I could hear April re-shift herself on the chair, but I didn't look back. I just kept walking, until I reached a clearing near the barn. Standing before a tree, I placed a hand on the trunk, trying to steady myself as I began shaking.

"Damn it, Leo!" I hissed. "What the shell are you thinking? It's hardly an appropriate time…"

Balling my hands into fists, I slammed my left fist into the trunk, ignoring the pain I felt. I knew that I'd grazed my knuckles, but I didn't care. I was trying to block out the memory, but it insisted on remaining.

_Splinter, missing… Raphael, badly hurt… April, losing the shop she kept for her father… and… that kiss._

I couldn't stop the tears from streaming down my face. I turned my shell to the tree and slid down it, before finally reaching the ground. As soon as I was sitting, my face was in my hands again, and I began to sob uncontrollably. I don't even know why.

_What am I gonna do? This is all messed up! What the shell will happen now?_

I shook my head and tried to dry my tears, taking a few deep breaths.

"Leonardo…" I muttered to myself. "You've probably made a mess of everything now…"

I suddenly jolted as I felt a gentle hand touch my shoulder. Looking up from my hands, my eyes met with those of one of my brothers. I knew immediately that it was Raphael. He looked much stronger now, thanks to the food, but his face showed concern.

"Why?" he asked, suddenly. "Why have you made a mess of everything?"

I didn't answer him, instead choosing to look down at the ground in silence. His hand tightened slightly around my shoulder, and I could feel him shift his weight, kneeling down in front of me.

"Leo…" he continued. "…damn it! What are you talking about?"

My gaze snapped upwards, and our eyes met once again. Noticing the turmoil within them, he released my shoulder and gave a nod.

"I see…" he murmured. "I think I understand."

The corners of his mouth curling upwards ever so slightly, he suddenly leaned close, stopping as his lips were mere millimetres from my own.

"Raphie…" I breathed out. "It's wrong…"

He maintained his distance, eyes staring into my own, gently placing his right hand on my left arm.

"I know…" he replied, enticing a soft shiver from me. I could smell the sweet aroma from the pancakes he had eaten, my heart beginning to race.

"I know, Leo…" he repeated. "…but, I've been thinking about it ever since. It feels so right, Leo."

My chest tightened, painfully so. I longed to hold him close… to be lost in his touch… to melt in his embrace, but I was terrified of the ramifications.

_It does feel right, though if anyone finds out…_

I gulped softly.

"We can't, Raph…" I all but whispered. "It's too risky…"

Neither of us had moved away yet, as if we were held there by some invisible force. The look in Raphael's eyes became a little more intense, and surprisingly, he looked like he was struggling with his own feelings.

_His feelings… are they for me?_

His free hand reaching up to cup my face, Raph closed the distance and our lips met. The kiss was quick, somewhat innocent, but as he pulled away, I could see the need within them. He needed me, as I needed him. His arms were suddenly around me, and he pulled me close.

"Leo…" he pleaded. "We'll be careful. Nobody else will find out."

My breath shallow, I swallowed, my throat feeling dry. The taste of maple syrup was strong in my mouth, but it was also accompanied by my brother's own unique taste. Suddenly, Raphael's embrace tightened ever so slightly.

"Please…" he continued, his voice seeming somewhat… desperate? "This has been driving me crazy since it happened, and I know it has been for you too. I don't know why you… why you kissed me then, but… all I know is that I don't want it to end. We won't take risks…"

I slowly moved out of his embrace to glance in his eyes again. Seeing the truth in his words made my heart race, and I nodded.

"This is stupid…" I murmured, rubbing the back of my smooth head with my right hand. "It's so stupid… but I… I have to agree with you. I know it's wrong, but it feels so right…"

Both of us smiled, and only a moment later, we were back in each other's arms, our lips joined in harmony. Throughout it all, my only thoughts were of the gorgeous turtle in my arms.


End file.
